Buttermilk Five Tickets Go On Sale

Ticketmaster outlets all across Massachusetts were jammed with co-ed softball fans waiting for the opportunity to purchase single game and multi-game tickets for Buttermilk Five home games.

Teenage boys and girls dressed in John "P.E." Peyton replica jerseys couldn't wait to get those BM5 passes in their hands.

With only 6 home games, seats are at a premium.  And, while the games have not been scheduled yet, expectations are high and rightfully so.  

Brent Knapp Quits Work to Focus on Softball

Buttermilk Five Veteran, Brent Knapp recently quit his day job to spend more time perfecting the art of sleeping in and honing his co-ed softball skills.

Among other things, Knapp says he has a goal to wear pajama pants for an entire calendar month.  He plans to save money by stealing newspapers from his neighbors and re-selling them at premium prices to afternoon commuters.

Knapp called out his BM5 teammates saying, "If more people shared my dedication to co-ed softball and quit their jobs like me, my fellow buttermilkers and I would be perennial playoff contenders."

It is no coincidence that Brent's exit interview was scheduled just hours before LSU tipped off against Butler in this year's NCAA tournament.  In addition to day time basketball and sometimes catching the end of The Today Show, Knapp plans on keeping his fans up to

 date by detailing his daily/weekly activities on his blog, which is located on the internet.  You can find the internet on most computers and even on some cell phones.  If you still don't know where to find the internet, look for some trendy idiot in your neighborhood who has purple hair and wears really tight jeans and chuck taylors.  He/She should be able to help you locate the interweb.

Knapp has already created an efficient and tasty energy drink that he thinks will jump start his training and sharpen his skills on the co-ed diamond.  The drink combines tomato juice, vodka, and several different spices.  He hasn't decided on a name for his concoction yet, but he is

 leaning towards "Bloody Mary" or "Tomato Juice and Vodka".  He says, "It has all the major ingredients that have helped lots of successful athletes; tomatoes, juice, vodka, and several different spices".

If you are in Charlestown and want to train with Brent, feel free to stop by his place, but never, ever before noon.  

Player Profile: Jon Mian

Thirty-eight years ago, Jon Mian was born in an igloo.  His eskimo parents were happy to welcome another little heater into their modest ice-house.  Little did they know that their little eskimo child would grow up to be a dominant force on the Greater Boston Co-ed Softball scene.  

Little Jon Mian, or "Dances with Walrus" as he was called by the natives, was a talented child.  In his Eskimo Junior High School Home Economics class, he made a functional, yet sexy, thong made from wooly mammoth fur.  He spent the rest of his school years fighting off PETA protesters and building arm strength throwing ice balls and snow balls at low flying sea planes. 

In 1976, Mian found his true calling when he started working for a granite countertop company, that shared his last name, in Charlestown, Massachusetts.  

With his competitive fire still burning, he attended an open tryout for the Boston West Coed Softball Powerhouse, The Buttermilk Five.  After being cut year after year, he finally made the team in 2007.  Mian said, "I never thought paying my team dues on time would have made such a big difference."  

On most nights, Mian, a huge Sly Stallone fan, can be found watching "Over the Top" on DVD in his plush Charlestown penthouse.  On the softball field, he carries himself the same way as Lincoln Hawk at the World Arm Wrestling Championships.  With his Boston Bruins hat turned backwards, his intensity is turned on like a switch.  

The Buttermilk Five is primed for another championship-type season and Little Jon Mian will play a big part in another championship-type run for the C Division Title.  

BM5 to Embark on Another Championship-Type Season

It snowed yesterday.  It will be cold for another two months and Jesse Schreier hasn't been seen since his breast augmentation surgery.  However, the Boston West Coed Softball Hot Stove is warming up.  

The Buttermilk Five is looking to rebound from a 5-7 campaign, where they missed the playoffs by a game (or two or three).  Nonetheless, hope springs eternal.  

Player/Coach/Manager/Keeper of the bases, Chris Hogan says the team will be returning several players and also adding some key contributors, although he doesn't know who they are yet.

BM5'ers, Drew Morin and Jon Mian have been working out all winter in Arizona.  Morin has been taking 200 ground balls per day while Mian has found several all you can eat buffets that he has determined to be acceptable by his lofty standards.

Several changes have already been made to the roster.  Hogan states, "we have subtracted a Cory Schreier and brought her back as a Cory Mian.  This brings the total number of Mians to four.  They multiply like Gremlins.  Don't feed them after midnight"

John P.E. Peyton shaved his beard and then re-grew it for the new season.  Brian Duncan had offseason knee surgery.  Melissa Farrell has been assisting with Duncan's rehab by moving the TV's remote control just out of his reach at all times.  

Buttermilkers Jan Booy, Justin Adams, and Colin McCaullife are, or will be, proud papas by the time Opening Night rolls around.  Haydon, Oakley and the soon-to-be McCaullife offspring are the newest additions to the BM5 Booster club.

Brent Knapp has added 45 pounds of muscle to his already powerful frame thanks to a strict regimen of watching nascar on TV and eating Santarpios pizza. 

Details for the season opener are due out in a month or so.