Dickhead of the Week Award

With 1 out in the first inning and runners on first base and second base, Justin Adams flied out to deep leftfield.  Johnny Miller took off from first base, thinking there were two outs.  With the ball in the air, Miller yelled, "Run Betsy, Run!"  After being tagged out, Miller realized there was only one out and quickly blamed Chris Hogan.  

Miller said, "I'm happy to receive awards....any kind of award."

Buttermilk Five Flames Moe's Tavern

Newton, MA-- The Buttermilk Five survived an early flurry of runs to explode for 21 of their own to take down, perennial rival, Moe's Tavern at Daly Field in Newton on Wednesday night.

Starting pitcher, John "P.E." Peyton struggled to find the plate early, but settled down after injecting himself with an undisclosed female fertility drug.

Jamie Lavin got the offense started with a laser into the gap for a triple and later scored the first of many Pancake Plates.  

The short-stacks kept the line moving all night thanks to solid hitting by all the Mian family members, Brent Knapp, Johnny Miller, Chris Hogan, Brian Farrell, Melissa Farrell and Peyton.

Skipper Chris Hogan said, "This was a good first outing.  I bet the over and won, so I can buy some new summer clothes".

Hogan has denied allegations of him betting on his own team.

The BM5 will attempt to stretch their winning streak to two next Thursday at 7:45pm at Casey Field in Watertown where they will host 21 Nickels.

BM5 Avoids Loss (and Victory) in Season Opener

Despite an outstanding turnout, the Buttermilk Five snatched victory and defeat from the jaws of unplayable field conditions.

The top-shelf staff at the Boston West Coed Softball League Office sent a late notice of game cancellations 1 hour before the Pancakes were scheduled to take the field.

BM5'er, Johnny Miller, changed clothes in his car for no apparent reason.  Skipper, Chris Hogan ran warmup laps all for naught.  Recently acquired free agent, Jenna O'brien doesn't even know how to throw a frisbee.  Pitcher/Outfielder/Infielder/Surfing enthusiast, John "P.E." Peyton applied beard conditioner without being able to flaunt his perfectly manicured facial accessory.  

America's favorite coed softball team will have to wait until next Wednesday to take on Moe's Tavern, where they will face recently released free agent Jenna O'brien.  

After zero games, The BM5 remains 0-0, but falls to #16 in the League rankings.

First Games Posted

After much deliberation and consideration, the first three games of the 2009 Buttermilk Five campaign have been posted.  You can see for yourself on the flashy BWCS website.

The season opener will be next Wednesday at 6pm at Casey Field in Watertown against the B.I. Ballers (who are ranked 9 in the meaningless pre-season rankings).  The field is located on California Street, I think.  If you have questions about how to get there, please contact Brian Duncan.  Duncan didn't pay his cell phone bill last month so you can only reach him in person at work.  

The game will not be televised or broadcasted on the radio.  There won't be any fans.  There could be rain.  Please dress accordingly.  

Where Are They Now? Scott Doughty

There was a time when Scott Doughty's dedication to co-ed softball was unquestionable.  That was before his doctor and his wife agreed that he was in good enough physical condition to use his reproductive organs.

The former Buttermilk Five Captain and Batting Champion would drive from his New Hampshire estate once a week to bring the bats and scorebook to all games.  

Nowadays, Doughty spends his days chained to a desk in his basement where he sells software to companies that use the internet.  In his evenings, he likes to watch Bob The Builder and Barney with his three sons, Emilio, Hector and Pablo.  

Doughty was once the longest tenured Buttermilker towards end of his career.  He had amazing versatility being used as a pitcher, first basemen and a rangy outfielder.  With the footspeed of 2 bedroom condominium, there wasn't a ball that he couldn't get to.

When asked about Doughty's impact on his own life, current BM5 Player/Coach, Chris Hogan, said, "Scott had the softest skin of anyone I've ever played with.  I still miss the sweet smell of his musk."

With the BM5 opener scheduled for next Wednesday, May 6, the team will hang a Doughty jersey in the dugout to remember their former teammate.  The Pancakes will travel to Casey Field in Watertown to take on the B.I. Ballers for the inaugural game of the 2009 campaign.  

Five Cracks Top Ten

Many softball fans are waiting for the 2009 Boston West Co Ed Softball C Division schedule to be released.  However, the Schedule Makers are still fine tuning the final draft.  

Pre-season rankings are another story.  For no apparent reason, the Buttermilk Five is ranked #8 in the storied C Division.  Some people are shocked to see the pancakes so high on the preseason power rankings, but not BM5 Skipper, Chris Hogan.

Hogan railed, "Eighth?  Seriously Eighth?  Thats crap.  They have the Buffalo Calzones and the steamboats ahead of us.  I'll get to the bottom of this."

The Season Opener should be scheduled soon.

Player Profile: Brian Duncan

Brian Duncan is a lot of things.   But, one thing he is not is a fu#king coward or an adult film star.  

Not only is Duncan is a defensive stalwart on the BM5, but also the defending Buttermilk Batting Champion.  

Him and his flowing locks can flash the leather all over the field, and he knows it.  Originally, Duncan was the player to be named later in the Melissa Farrell acquisition, but he has proven his worth by being nice to women and children and offering to car pool to games.  

When asked about his role as a leader on the Pancakes, Duncan said, "Seriously, you're writing a blog about our softball team?  No one will read it besides us.  Well, Melissa will read it out loud to me because I am illiterate.  Well not really illiterate.  I read at a 3rd grade level.  Go easy on the big words.  Don't use this quote."  

There was some trouble in "Big D" this offseason.  He snapped a ligament in his knee while playing full contact monopoly in his living room (on a friday night).  It wasn't pretty and it required surgery.  After an extensive rehab program that actually called for vicodin and Bud Light, Duncan is hoping to be ready for opening day.  

Duncan kept busy in his downtime by teaching the neighborhood kids how to play poker and participating in two-hand touch monopoly games.  

When asked about Duncan's recovery, Farrell said, "Brian is walking with a little bit of a limp.  He's really trying to make it look cool.  But, its hard to look cool when you are wearing a knee brace made out of kevlar."

The 2009 BM5 opener is still not scheduled.  However, league officials have promised that it will happen.