First Games Posted

After much deliberation and consideration, the first three games of the 2009 Buttermilk Five campaign have been posted.  You can see for yourself on the flashy BWCS website.

The season opener will be next Wednesday at 6pm at Casey Field in Watertown against the B.I. Ballers (who are ranked 9 in the meaningless pre-season rankings).  The field is located on California Street, I think.  If you have questions about how to get there, please contact Brian Duncan.  Duncan didn't pay his cell phone bill last month so you can only reach him in person at work.  

The game will not be televised or broadcasted on the radio.  There won't be any fans.  There could be rain.  Please dress accordingly.  

Where Are They Now? Scott Doughty

There was a time when Scott Doughty's dedication to co-ed softball was unquestionable.  That was before his doctor and his wife agreed that he was in good enough physical condition to use his reproductive organs.

The former Buttermilk Five Captain and Batting Champion would drive from his New Hampshire estate once a week to bring the bats and scorebook to all games.  

Nowadays, Doughty spends his days chained to a desk in his basement where he sells software to companies that use the internet.  In his evenings, he likes to watch Bob The Builder and Barney with his three sons, Emilio, Hector and Pablo.  

Doughty was once the longest tenured Buttermilker towards end of his career.  He had amazing versatility being used as a pitcher, first basemen and a rangy outfielder.  With the footspeed of 2 bedroom condominium, there wasn't a ball that he couldn't get to.

When asked about Doughty's impact on his own life, current BM5 Player/Coach, Chris Hogan, said, "Scott had the softest skin of anyone I've ever played with.  I still miss the sweet smell of his musk."

With the BM5 opener scheduled for next Wednesday, May 6, the team will hang a Doughty jersey in the dugout to remember their former teammate.  The Pancakes will travel to Casey Field in Watertown to take on the B.I. Ballers for the inaugural game of the 2009 campaign.  

Five Cracks Top Ten

Many softball fans are waiting for the 2009 Boston West Co Ed Softball C Division schedule to be released.  However, the Schedule Makers are still fine tuning the final draft.  

Pre-season rankings are another story.  For no apparent reason, the Buttermilk Five is ranked #8 in the storied C Division.  Some people are shocked to see the pancakes so high on the preseason power rankings, but not BM5 Skipper, Chris Hogan.

Hogan railed, "Eighth?  Seriously Eighth?  Thats crap.  They have the Buffalo Calzones and the steamboats ahead of us.  I'll get to the bottom of this."

The Season Opener should be scheduled soon.

Player Profile: Brian Duncan

Brian Duncan is a lot of things.   But, one thing he is not is a fu#king coward or an adult film star.  

Not only is Duncan is a defensive stalwart on the BM5, but also the defending Buttermilk Batting Champion.  

Him and his flowing locks can flash the leather all over the field, and he knows it.  Originally, Duncan was the player to be named later in the Melissa Farrell acquisition, but he has proven his worth by being nice to women and children and offering to car pool to games.  

When asked about his role as a leader on the Pancakes, Duncan said, "Seriously, you're writing a blog about our softball team?  No one will read it besides us.  Well, Melissa will read it out loud to me because I am illiterate.  Well not really illiterate.  I read at a 3rd grade level.  Go easy on the big words.  Don't use this quote."  

There was some trouble in "Big D" this offseason.  He snapped a ligament in his knee while playing full contact monopoly in his living room (on a friday night).  It wasn't pretty and it required surgery.  After an extensive rehab program that actually called for vicodin and Bud Light, Duncan is hoping to be ready for opening day.  

Duncan kept busy in his downtime by teaching the neighborhood kids how to play poker and participating in two-hand touch monopoly games.  

When asked about Duncan's recovery, Farrell said, "Brian is walking with a little bit of a limp.  He's really trying to make it look cool.  But, its hard to look cool when you are wearing a knee brace made out of kevlar."

The 2009 BM5 opener is still not scheduled.  However, league officials have promised that it will happen.

Buttermilk Five Tickets Go On Sale

Ticketmaster outlets all across Massachusetts were jammed with co-ed softball fans waiting for the opportunity to purchase single game and multi-game tickets for Buttermilk Five home games.

Teenage boys and girls dressed in John "P.E." Peyton replica jerseys couldn't wait to get those BM5 passes in their hands.

With only 6 home games, seats are at a premium.  And, while the games have not been scheduled yet, expectations are high and rightfully so.  

Brent Knapp Quits Work to Focus on Softball

Buttermilk Five Veteran, Brent Knapp recently quit his day job to spend more time perfecting the art of sleeping in and honing his co-ed softball skills.

Among other things, Knapp says he has a goal to wear pajama pants for an entire calendar month.  He plans to save money by stealing newspapers from his neighbors and re-selling them at premium prices to afternoon commuters.

Knapp called out his BM5 teammates saying, "If more people shared my dedication to co-ed softball and quit their jobs like me, my fellow buttermilkers and I would be perennial playoff contenders."

It is no coincidence that Brent's exit interview was scheduled just hours before LSU tipped off against Butler in this year's NCAA tournament.  In addition to day time basketball and sometimes catching the end of The Today Show, Knapp plans on keeping his fans up to

 date by detailing his daily/weekly activities on his blog, which is located on the internet.  You can find the internet on most computers and even on some cell phones.  If you still don't know where to find the internet, look for some trendy idiot in your neighborhood who has purple hair and wears really tight jeans and chuck taylors.  He/She should be able to help you locate the interweb.

Knapp has already created an efficient and tasty energy drink that he thinks will jump start his training and sharpen his skills on the co-ed diamond.  The drink combines tomato juice, vodka, and several different spices.  He hasn't decided on a name for his concoction yet, but he is

 leaning towards "Bloody Mary" or "Tomato Juice and Vodka".  He says, "It has all the major ingredients that have helped lots of successful athletes; tomatoes, juice, vodka, and several different spices".

If you are in Charlestown and want to train with Brent, feel free to stop by his place, but never, ever before noon.  

Player Profile: Jon Mian

Thirty-eight years ago, Jon Mian was born in an igloo.  His eskimo parents were happy to welcome another little heater into their modest ice-house.  Little did they know that their little eskimo child would grow up to be a dominant force on the Greater Boston Co-ed Softball scene.  

Little Jon Mian, or "Dances with Walrus" as he was called by the natives, was a talented child.  In his Eskimo Junior High School Home Economics class, he made a functional, yet sexy, thong made from wooly mammoth fur.  He spent the rest of his school years fighting off PETA protesters and building arm strength throwing ice balls and snow balls at low flying sea planes. 

In 1976, Mian found his true calling when he started working for a granite countertop company, that shared his last name, in Charlestown, Massachusetts.  

With his competitive fire still burning, he attended an open tryout for the Boston West Coed Softball Powerhouse, The Buttermilk Five.  After being cut year after year, he finally made the team in 2007.  Mian said, "I never thought paying my team dues on time would have made such a big difference."  

On most nights, Mian, a huge Sly Stallone fan, can be found watching "Over the Top" on DVD in his plush Charlestown penthouse.  On the softball field, he carries himself the same way as Lincoln Hawk at the World Arm Wrestling Championships.  With his Boston Bruins hat turned backwards, his intensity is turned on like a switch.  

The Buttermilk Five is primed for another championship-type season and Little Jon Mian will play a big part in another championship-type run for the C Division Title.