Cakes Do Not Rise

Newton, MA--The Buttermilk Five struggled to find their offense in the second round of the BWCS playoffs and lost 9-2 to the Big Sticks at Daly Field.

The Pancakes (9-5) left the bases loaded in the first inning and pushed two runs across in the 2nd frame, but couldn't muster anymore firepower as the Sticks (10-3) cruised into the next round.

The BM5 held the Sticks Bats until the 6th when some doushebag cleared the bases with a long fly ball to left.

BM5 Skipper, Chris Hogan said, "It was a frustrating night, but a great season. Nine wins is nine more wins than anybody expected us to have. Now, I'm going on vacation."

Rumors of a postseason Barbecue are already swirling. Hogan is contemplating ribs or chicken. Jon Mian has requested smoked boa constrictor.

The Buttermilkers advanced further than any other BM5 team of the modern era and the future looks bright, assuming Drew Morin can get some cleats and less games are scheduled in the Dedham Triangle.

BM5 Plays Short

The Buttermilk Five roster was short in the playoffs due to vacationing Mians, unlucky hornet stings, and a cast of the butterflies

Cory and Nick Mian are somewhere in Colorado.  Brent Knapp's right foot is swollen thanks to a Vermont Hornet who thought he was tresspassing.  And, Melissa Farrell just didn't feel good.

Jon Mian filled in admirably in the leadoff spot.  Jesse Mian filled in for the rocky mountain bound Nick and Cory.  And, Farrell is hoping to return for round 2 of the storied BWCS Postseason.

Pancakes Eat Up Heroes

Dedham, MA--The sky was ominous and the air was moist as the Pancakes kicked off the 2009 Postseason against #18 seed Kelly's Heroes at Connell Field.

BM5 leadoff man, Jon Mian said, "the sky was ominous and the air was moist".  

Mian led off the bottom half of the first inning with line drive single and seemed like he was running around the bases all night.  

Despite some defensive lapses in the 5th inning, the Pancakes (9-4) had enough of a cushion to keep the Heroes (7-6) at bay, finishing the deal 15-12.

The Buttermilk offense was powered by Justin Adams, Drew Morin, Jamie Lavin and Mona "Can I Buy a Vowel" Saltalamachia.  

Outstanding defense was turned in by Lynne "Leather" Wilson and Morin.

The game was over when Brian Duncan barehanded a slow roller and threw a seed to first to nail the runner for the final out.  Duncan promptly ripped his shirt off and screamed, "FREEDOM!!!".

The Hotcakes will advance to the 2nd round where they will be matched up with the 9-3 Big Stix at a field and time to be determined.  Both teams played earlier in the season with the BM5 stealing a 14-13 win.

Playoffs?!?! Playoffs?!?!?

The Boston West Coed Softball C Division Playoffs (TBWCSCDP) will be set later tonight.  The Buttermilk Five will participate in the 18 team tournament at a field somewhere at sometime in less than 24 hours.  

In typical league fashion, all details are unknown and all BM5 players are on call.  In the case of a late notice for game time scheduling, all Buttermilkers will look to the sky for the team logo that will be seen in the southern sky.  

BM5 Blanked by Brew Crew

Dedham, MA--The Buttermilk Five returned to their home away from home at Connell Field on Friday night, but home cooking could not help drum up any offense as the Pancakes were shutout 12-0 by the first place Brew Crew.

The Buttermilk bats were quiet all night and only mustered 5 hits.  Even with the loss, the Hotcakes are sitting in the 12 spot for the 18-team tournament that is the Boston West C Division Playoffs.

With the final regular season game not needed for post season qualification, the pancakes are awaiting their first round matchup.

Team Skipper, Chris Hogan said, "I hope we have more than 5 hits in our next fucking game.  Seriously, 5 fucking hits?"

Buttermilk Five Breaks Modern Day Record

With a 13-2 triumph over Dizzy Buddha on Tuesday, August 4th, 2009, The Buttermilk Five broke a modern day team record for Total Wins in a Season with 7.  With one regular season game remaining, the Pancakers can add to that total.

Justin Adams, the tallest corner outfielder on the team, said, "7 wins is pretty good.  In fact, 7 wins this year would be great for the Wisconsin Badgers Football Team."  How the mighty have fallen.  Lets just say Bret Bielema still has to pay for his own drinks when he goes out in Madison.  

The BM5 will try to break their own record Friday night at 8pm against the 10-1 Brew Crew

Cardiac Cakes Sweep Doubleheader

Dedham, MA--The Buttermilk Five continued their run for the roses sweeping a twin-bill from the B.I. Ballers and Dizzy Buddha at Connell Field.

In the first contest, the BM5 (6-3) found themselves in an early 4-0 hole, but chipped away early and laid it on thick late.  The Ballers (3-7) had an answer for most of the game, but couldn't rally as the cakes took a 7 run lead into the final frame and held on for a 17-12 demolition.  

Brian "Ladies Love" Duncan locked down the final out and pumped his fist with authority and then walked gingerly to home plate to shake hands with his opponents like a good sportsman.  Ladies Love Brian Duncan.

A Sweaty and Tired Pancake team took the field for the 2nd half of the night against Dizzy Buddha.  The Buddha bats (5-5) kept the BM5 on their toes, but couldn't push anything across the plate before the Home Hotcakes.  A quick 4 spot went up for America's Team and they kept the line moving at the dish.  

The Buttermilkers (7-3) were consistent and focused, not to mention even sweatier, and kept turning the screws.  The game ended when Justin Adams crossed home plate in the 6th rendering the mercy rule 13-2.

The BM5 is sitting in a good spot around the #13 seed for the 18 team tournament.  They host the first place Brew Crew Friday night back at Connell Field in Dedham

BM5 Gets Dirty

Watertown, MA--The Buttermilk Five set the pace early and outlasted the Big Sticks in a barnburner, 14-13, at Casey Field

The visiting Pancakes plated two runs early thanks to a 2-out single by Johnny Miller, scoring Melissa "I'm still getting my sea legs" Farrell and Jesse "This is our Year" Schreier.  

The Big Sticks (8-2) countered with 3 runs in the 3rd, but as was the case for most of the night, the Hotcakes (5-3) had an answer.  Farrell went 3 for 4 and Lynn Wilson and Jamie Lavin were both 2 for 3.  

Good defense all around kept it close throughout the game.  Soon to be Nutmegger, Justin Adams caught a ball with his face and Farrell went into the hole to retire a disappointed Big Stick.  Chris Hogan started a 1-5-3 double play with Schreier making the turn.  

Hogan, a self proclaimed all star, kept the big sticks at bay for the most part.  When asked his secret, Hogan said, "I put bug spray on the ball."

Hogan also had a clutch opposite field homer in the 6th to knot the score at 10.  After the Sticks took the lead in the bottom of the inning, the BM5 answered the call in their last at bat.

Trailing 11-10, Jonny Mian, Farrell, Adams and Miller all scored to give the Cakes a 3 run advantage.  Duncan was out on a controversial play at the plate where he almost broke his leg, hip, knee and knee brace.

The insurance came in handy as the Buttermilkers played it safe in the bottom of the 7th and as Schreier sucked up the last ground ball and stepped on 2nd base for the force out.

The BM5 is sitting in a good spot as far as playoff hopes go.  The next game is not scheduled but tension is high as the season comes down the home stretch.  

Guaranteed!

Buttermilk Five Skipper/Pitcher/Keeper of the Scorebook, Chris Hogan, guaranteed victory over the Dizzy Buddha next Tuesday night.  

When asked to clarify exactly what he meant, Hogan said, "We play well at Connell Field.  I think we are 2-12 over the past few years there and I think if we have enough players, then we'll mop up on those Dizzy Buddhas".

Hogan is planning to prepare for next week's contest by basking in the New Jersey shore sun.  He added, "I think if i can get some SPF 1,000,000 into my milky white skin, then I think I'll be ready to scorch the Buddha next week."

Next week's game is scheduled for 815pm and good seats are still available.  

Where are they Now? Jan Booy

When most people think about "The British Invasion", they think about The Beatles.  When co ed softball fans hear those words, they think of Jan Booy.

Booy started roaming the outfield for the Buttermilk Five as a spry 25 year old in 2002.  His unconventional swing and ability to smoke a pack of cigarettes during a full game gave the BM5 a swagger that most perennial basement dwellers only dream of.

Booy also managed to get lost on the way to nearly every game.  Without any remote sense of direction while navigating the greater Boston backroads, Jan still knew where the batters box was and that you had to run to 1st base after that.  

Jan is semi-retired now.  Currently, he spends his days patrolling the internet and programming websites for people who give him money. 

BM5 Drops Heartbreaker to Shockers 8-7

Charlestown, MA-- Seven innings were not enough as fans were treated to free extra innings in the Buttermilk Five/Shockers tilt.

The Buttermilkers (4-3) staked Chris Hogan to an early 3-0 lead, but runs were a valuable commodity as both teams scrapped to bring home the bacon.  

Brian Duncan, Chris "Lefty" Mian and Drew "I eat soup every day of the week" Morin all chipped in with hits as the BM5 played small-ball.  

The game was knotted at 6 entering the last frame and it stayed that way after seven innings.  America's Team rallied to take 2 run lead in the 8th, but the Shockers (6-1) scored when it mattered.

Stellar defense was turned in by Morin, Cory Mian, Justin Adams and Regina behind the Plate.  

Skipper Chris Hogan said, "This was one of the better games we have played.  Its a shame we couldn't pull it out, but I think we're still in good position to get some wins and make the playoffs."  Hogan also noted that he forgot to wear underwear for the game.

The Pancakes hope to get on track next Tuesday night at 8:15 pm in Dedham at Connell #1 where they will host the (3-3) Dizzy Buddha.

  

BM5 Victorious (as Jager Bombs Forfeit)

Tonight's game against the 1-5 Jager Bombs was cancelled after the JB's couldn't field a full team due to 4th of July vacation week and/or the swine flu.

When informed of tonight's ghost victory, Jon Mian said, "Seriously, I just took like 8 viagras.  What the hell am i supposed to do now?"

The Buttermilk Five takes the field again next Tuesday, July 7th at 9pm at Connell Field in Dedham.  America's Team will be taking on the undefeated (7-0) Brew Crew.

Game Cancelled. Rescheduled for sometime in the future.

The League Office confirms that the Buttermilk Five avoided victory for another Wednesday night.  Constant misty rainy weather caused Daly Field to suffer unplayable softball conditions.

Next game is scheduled for Tuesday night, June 30, where the BM5 will visit the, 1-5, Jager Bombs at 7:45pm at Charlestown High School.  CHS has a turf field so you can wear your tennis shoes (Drew).  

Player Profile: Drew Morin

Not only does Drew Morin excel at being an accountant, but he also doesn't respond to emails or phone calls.  There's always a question mark next to his name as to whether he will attend games or team meetings.

Morin is a graduate of Ithaca College, where he double majored in math and heavy metal.  He can name every Dokken album in chronological order and he has promised to name his first born child after James Hetfield (before he cut his hair).

Drew owns one pair of sweat pants.  His wardrobe also includes 5 blue dress shirts and one Buttermilk Five T shirt.  As far as footwear goes, Drew keeps it simple.  Cleats he does not own.  

When asked about Morin's knack for slipping and sliding around the infield dirt like a bad dancer, BM5 skipper, Chris Hogan replied, "Its like he is our own little homeless guy and I feel we are kind of giving back to the community by keeping him on the roster.  In fact, we are asking all BM5 players to bring a non-perishable food item to help fill Drew's pantry."

Drew may or may not be present for Wednesday night's tilt against the 4-1 Big Sticks at Daly Field in Newton.

Welcome to the Speed Round....

What has two thumbs and is on his honeymoon in Hawaii?  Give up?  The answer is Johnny Miller.  

In a conflict of interest that almost altered the lives and weekends of several people, Johnny Miller (Me) was forced to fly 10 hours across more than 4 or 5 time zones and sit on a beach or near a pool or snorkel with sea turtles and drink cocktails with more fruit than a Liberace concert.  Sure, I had to miss a few games, several practices and all night strategy sessions, but I'm a sucker for sweating like a pig in the little latitudes.  So without further delay, here is what has happened to the best of my ability (6 hours behind).  

• BM5 forfeits May 29 contest that was previously thought to be postponed
• BM5 superfan, Kevin Cullen, gets married on 5/29.
• BM5'er, Johnny Miller, gets married and goes to Hawaii for 2 weeks to celebrate.
• Jim Byrne joins Johnny Miller's fantasy football league
• BM5'er Brent Knapp goes to Russia and/or Sweden.  
• BM5's 5/29 forfeit under review
• BM5 loses, 6-5 in pitcher's duel, to E-Unit.

More to come when I get back to the mainland.  In the meantime, stay strong, eat your wheaties and always use the Mian Brothers for all your Marble countertop needs.

Buttermilk Five Burns Manny's Grill

Somewhere near Dedham, MA-- The BM5 pounded out 22 hits and came back from a 7 run deficit to upend Manny's Grill 15-11 at Connell Field.

The Pancakes (3-0) scored two early runs in the first frame, but surrendered the lead over the next three innings and found themselves in a 9-2 hole.

Anna "Double A"  Aguilera, John "P.E." Peyton, Nick Mian, Betsy "Going Going" Gonski and Johnny Miller all had hits and scored in the 5th as the Hotcakes busted out for 7 runs to tie the game at 9.  

Gonski, who peppered The Grill's 1st baseman with line drives all night, also flashed the leather in the outfield to keep the hometown Mannys idle on offense.  Jon Mian, and Chris "Fish" Mian, who both went 3 for 4,  padded the lead with a few insurance runs in the top of the 7th.  

In the home half of the final frame, Peyton got the leadoff batter to roll over for the first out.  Miller tossed out Gonski's nemesis for the 2nd out and Peyton made a stellar reaction stab to lock down the game and keep the Pancakes undefeated.  

Skipper, Chris Hogan, said, "Tonight's game ball gets split in half.  Betsy talked trash all night and backed it up and Fish found out he was really left-handed.  I'm glad it only took 15 games for him to figure that out." 

The Buttermilkers will try to stay undefeated next Wednesday night when they visit E-Unit at Bunker Hill Community College.

Rallycakes!

Watertown, MA--  The Buttermilk Five came back from deficits of 5-1, 6-5, and 10-5 to defeat 21 Nickels 19-11 when it was all said and done.

The BM5 (2-0) offense was slow out of the gates and struggled to push runs across the plate, but the Pancake defense limited the "nickel and diming" and scored in bunches to remain undefeated.

BM5'er Brent Knapp, who had 3 hits and 2 martinis, said, "I don't know.  Maybe playing 72 holes today was the key.  We have a good team.  We moved the line right along all night.  I don't think i broke a sweat though.  I'm pretty cool, right?"

The Hot Cakes got hotter after, Skipper, Chris Hogan, instructed his team to take more pitches and "don't swing at junk."

A season high 11 runs in the 6th inning sealed the deal as Katie "The Grill" Weber scored twice and Justin Adams belted his second home run without losing his hat around the bases.  Newcomer, Andrew "The Shuffleboard" also contributed with some impressive moonshots of his own.

Hogan was stellar all night pitching to contact and letting his defense take care of business.  

The BM5 takes on the Next Timers next Friday, 5/29 at 6:15pm at Danehy field.  However, the game is pending re-scheduling.   Stay tuned for updates.

Crimewave soaks BM5

Somerville, MA-- The Coed Softball community was rocked this morning when word spread of the Buttermilk Five's equipment bag being stolen out of the bed of Johnny Miller's truck while it was parked on Josephine Avenue.

Inside the equipment bag were various pieces of equipment and some priceless artwork. More startling than this complete lack of respect for undefeated sports teams is the timing of the brazen act. With the BM5 scheduled to host 21 Nickels at Casey Field tonight, and no bats for the potent BM5 offensive assault, getting to 2-0 would be almost impossible. Thankfully, Olympia Sports rushed to remedy the situation. They donated 2 brand new bats and 1 scorebook. However, they specifically stated that they are in no way donating the equipment and required payment on the spot.

BM5 Skipper, Chris Hogan said, "Josephine Avenue used to be a place you could raise a family. Now you can't even leave your softball gear out in the back of your truck. I'm hungry."

Reunited and It Feels So Good

Peaches and Herb never realized that their sweet sounds would ring true on the coed softball field.

Brian Duncan and Melissa Farrell cannot be separated by employment, residence, or batting order.  With Duncan and Farrell batting right behind each other, BM5 rallies will become common all season.

Duncan said, "I think I should be batting higher because I'm faster."  

Farrell said, "I can't wait to go on vacation next month."

Dickhead of the Week Award

With 1 out in the first inning and runners on first base and second base, Justin Adams flied out to deep leftfield.  Johnny Miller took off from first base, thinking there were two outs.  With the ball in the air, Miller yelled, "Run Betsy, Run!"  After being tagged out, Miller realized there was only one out and quickly blamed Chris Hogan.  

Miller said, "I'm happy to receive awards....any kind of award."

Buttermilk Five Flames Moe's Tavern

Newton, MA-- The Buttermilk Five survived an early flurry of runs to explode for 21 of their own to take down, perennial rival, Moe's Tavern at Daly Field in Newton on Wednesday night.

Starting pitcher, John "P.E." Peyton struggled to find the plate early, but settled down after injecting himself with an undisclosed female fertility drug.

Jamie Lavin got the offense started with a laser into the gap for a triple and later scored the first of many Pancake Plates.  

The short-stacks kept the line moving all night thanks to solid hitting by all the Mian family members, Brent Knapp, Johnny Miller, Chris Hogan, Brian Farrell, Melissa Farrell and Peyton.

Skipper Chris Hogan said, "This was a good first outing.  I bet the over and won, so I can buy some new summer clothes".

Hogan has denied allegations of him betting on his own team.

The BM5 will attempt to stretch their winning streak to two next Thursday at 7:45pm at Casey Field in Watertown where they will host 21 Nickels.

BM5 Avoids Loss (and Victory) in Season Opener

Despite an outstanding turnout, the Buttermilk Five snatched victory and defeat from the jaws of unplayable field conditions.

The top-shelf staff at the Boston West Coed Softball League Office sent a late notice of game cancellations 1 hour before the Pancakes were scheduled to take the field.

BM5'er, Johnny Miller, changed clothes in his car for no apparent reason.  Skipper, Chris Hogan ran warmup laps all for naught.  Recently acquired free agent, Jenna O'brien doesn't even know how to throw a frisbee.  Pitcher/Outfielder/Infielder/Surfing enthusiast, John "P.E." Peyton applied beard conditioner without being able to flaunt his perfectly manicured facial accessory.  

America's favorite coed softball team will have to wait until next Wednesday to take on Moe's Tavern, where they will face recently released free agent Jenna O'brien.  

After zero games, The BM5 remains 0-0, but falls to #16 in the League rankings.

First Games Posted

After much deliberation and consideration, the first three games of the 2009 Buttermilk Five campaign have been posted.  You can see for yourself on the flashy BWCS website.

The season opener will be next Wednesday at 6pm at Casey Field in Watertown against the B.I. Ballers (who are ranked 9 in the meaningless pre-season rankings).  The field is located on California Street, I think.  If you have questions about how to get there, please contact Brian Duncan.  Duncan didn't pay his cell phone bill last month so you can only reach him in person at work.  

The game will not be televised or broadcasted on the radio.  There won't be any fans.  There could be rain.  Please dress accordingly.  

Where Are They Now? Scott Doughty

There was a time when Scott Doughty's dedication to co-ed softball was unquestionable.  That was before his doctor and his wife agreed that he was in good enough physical condition to use his reproductive organs.

The former Buttermilk Five Captain and Batting Champion would drive from his New Hampshire estate once a week to bring the bats and scorebook to all games.  

Nowadays, Doughty spends his days chained to a desk in his basement where he sells software to companies that use the internet.  In his evenings, he likes to watch Bob The Builder and Barney with his three sons, Emilio, Hector and Pablo.  

Doughty was once the longest tenured Buttermilker towards end of his career.  He had amazing versatility being used as a pitcher, first basemen and a rangy outfielder.  With the footspeed of 2 bedroom condominium, there wasn't a ball that he couldn't get to.

When asked about Doughty's impact on his own life, current BM5 Player/Coach, Chris Hogan, said, "Scott had the softest skin of anyone I've ever played with.  I still miss the sweet smell of his musk."

With the BM5 opener scheduled for next Wednesday, May 6, the team will hang a Doughty jersey in the dugout to remember their former teammate.  The Pancakes will travel to Casey Field in Watertown to take on the B.I. Ballers for the inaugural game of the 2009 campaign.  

Five Cracks Top Ten

Many softball fans are waiting for the 2009 Boston West Co Ed Softball C Division schedule to be released.  However, the Schedule Makers are still fine tuning the final draft.  

Pre-season rankings are another story.  For no apparent reason, the Buttermilk Five is ranked #8 in the storied C Division.  Some people are shocked to see the pancakes so high on the preseason power rankings, but not BM5 Skipper, Chris Hogan.

Hogan railed, "Eighth?  Seriously Eighth?  Thats crap.  They have the Buffalo Calzones and the steamboats ahead of us.  I'll get to the bottom of this."

The Season Opener should be scheduled soon.

Player Profile: Brian Duncan

Brian Duncan is a lot of things.   But, one thing he is not is a fu#king coward or an adult film star.  

Not only is Duncan is a defensive stalwart on the BM5, but also the defending Buttermilk Batting Champion.  

Him and his flowing locks can flash the leather all over the field, and he knows it.  Originally, Duncan was the player to be named later in the Melissa Farrell acquisition, but he has proven his worth by being nice to women and children and offering to car pool to games.  

When asked about his role as a leader on the Pancakes, Duncan said, "Seriously, you're writing a blog about our softball team?  No one will read it besides us.  Well, Melissa will read it out loud to me because I am illiterate.  Well not really illiterate.  I read at a 3rd grade level.  Go easy on the big words.  Don't use this quote."  

There was some trouble in "Big D" this offseason.  He snapped a ligament in his knee while playing full contact monopoly in his living room (on a friday night).  It wasn't pretty and it required surgery.  After an extensive rehab program that actually called for vicodin and Bud Light, Duncan is hoping to be ready for opening day.  

Duncan kept busy in his downtime by teaching the neighborhood kids how to play poker and participating in two-hand touch monopoly games.  

When asked about Duncan's recovery, Farrell said, "Brian is walking with a little bit of a limp.  He's really trying to make it look cool.  But, its hard to look cool when you are wearing a knee brace made out of kevlar."

The 2009 BM5 opener is still not scheduled.  However, league officials have promised that it will happen.

Buttermilk Five Tickets Go On Sale

Ticketmaster outlets all across Massachusetts were jammed with co-ed softball fans waiting for the opportunity to purchase single game and multi-game tickets for Buttermilk Five home games.

Teenage boys and girls dressed in John "P.E." Peyton replica jerseys couldn't wait to get those BM5 passes in their hands.

With only 6 home games, seats are at a premium.  And, while the games have not been scheduled yet, expectations are high and rightfully so.  

Brent Knapp Quits Work to Focus on Softball

Buttermilk Five Veteran, Brent Knapp recently quit his day job to spend more time perfecting the art of sleeping in and honing his co-ed softball skills.

Among other things, Knapp says he has a goal to wear pajama pants for an entire calendar month.  He plans to save money by stealing newspapers from his neighbors and re-selling them at premium prices to afternoon commuters.

Knapp called out his BM5 teammates saying, "If more people shared my dedication to co-ed softball and quit their jobs like me, my fellow buttermilkers and I would be perennial playoff contenders."

It is no coincidence that Brent's exit interview was scheduled just hours before LSU tipped off against Butler in this year's NCAA tournament.  In addition to day time basketball and sometimes catching the end of The Today Show, Knapp plans on keeping his fans up to

 date by detailing his daily/weekly activities on his blog, which is located on the internet.  You can find the internet on most computers and even on some cell phones.  If you still don't know where to find the internet, look for some trendy idiot in your neighborhood who has purple hair and wears really tight jeans and chuck taylors.  He/She should be able to help you locate the interweb.

Knapp has already created an efficient and tasty energy drink that he thinks will jump start his training and sharpen his skills on the co-ed diamond.  The drink combines tomato juice, vodka, and several different spices.  He hasn't decided on a name for his concoction yet, but he is

 leaning towards "Bloody Mary" or "Tomato Juice and Vodka".  He says, "It has all the major ingredients that have helped lots of successful athletes; tomatoes, juice, vodka, and several different spices".

If you are in Charlestown and want to train with Brent, feel free to stop by his place, but never, ever before noon.  

Player Profile: Jon Mian

Thirty-eight years ago, Jon Mian was born in an igloo.  His eskimo parents were happy to welcome another little heater into their modest ice-house.  Little did they know that their little eskimo child would grow up to be a dominant force on the Greater Boston Co-ed Softball scene.  

Little Jon Mian, or "Dances with Walrus" as he was called by the natives, was a talented child.  In his Eskimo Junior High School Home Economics class, he made a functional, yet sexy, thong made from wooly mammoth fur.  He spent the rest of his school years fighting off PETA protesters and building arm strength throwing ice balls and snow balls at low flying sea planes. 

In 1976, Mian found his true calling when he started working for a granite countertop company, that shared his last name, in Charlestown, Massachusetts.  

With his competitive fire still burning, he attended an open tryout for the Boston West Coed Softball Powerhouse, The Buttermilk Five.  After being cut year after year, he finally made the team in 2007.  Mian said, "I never thought paying my team dues on time would have made such a big difference."  

On most nights, Mian, a huge Sly Stallone fan, can be found watching "Over the Top" on DVD in his plush Charlestown penthouse.  On the softball field, he carries himself the same way as Lincoln Hawk at the World Arm Wrestling Championships.  With his Boston Bruins hat turned backwards, his intensity is turned on like a switch.  

The Buttermilk Five is primed for another championship-type season and Little Jon Mian will play a big part in another championship-type run for the C Division Title.  

BM5 to Embark on Another Championship-Type Season

It snowed yesterday.  It will be cold for another two months and Jesse Schreier hasn't been seen since his breast augmentation surgery.  However, the Boston West Coed Softball Hot Stove is warming up.  

The Buttermilk Five is looking to rebound from a 5-7 campaign, where they missed the playoffs by a game (or two or three).  Nonetheless, hope springs eternal.  

Player/Coach/Manager/Keeper of the bases, Chris Hogan says the team will be returning several players and also adding some key contributors, although he doesn't know who they are yet.

BM5'ers, Drew Morin and Jon Mian have been working out all winter in Arizona.  Morin has been taking 200 ground balls per day while Mian has found several all you can eat buffets that he has determined to be acceptable by his lofty standards.

Several changes have already been made to the roster.  Hogan states, "we have subtracted a Cory Schreier and brought her back as a Cory Mian.  This brings the total number of Mians to four.  They multiply like Gremlins.  Don't feed them after midnight"

John P.E. Peyton shaved his beard and then re-grew it for the new season.  Brian Duncan had offseason knee surgery.  Melissa Farrell has been assisting with Duncan's rehab by moving the TV's remote control just out of his reach at all times.  

Buttermilkers Jan Booy, Justin Adams, and Colin McCaullife are, or will be, proud papas by the time Opening Night rolls around.  Haydon, Oakley and the soon-to-be McCaullife offspring are the newest additions to the BM5 Booster club.

Brent Knapp has added 45 pounds of muscle to his already powerful frame thanks to a strict regimen of watching nascar on TV and eating Santarpios pizza. 

Details for the season opener are due out in a month or so.